Autumn Appeal 2008

Dear friends and fellow travelers,

A friend of Joseph’s House has sent me Norman Fischer’s new book, Sailing Home: Using the Wisdom of Homer’s Odyssey to Navigate Life’s Perils and Pitfalls. It’s about life as a spiritual odyssey, a journey of return – coming home to one’s true self. For a few travelers on the journey of return, Joseph’s House becomes a cherished place to rest and take refuge.

Omar

Omar came to Joseph’s House hoping to rest for just a while…. and then he stayed. Omar’s been on the journey a long time: on the road, on the run, doing battle, doing time. His journey has often been brutal. His wounds are deep. He is weary. But here at Joseph’s House Omar can rest. He’s found safety here. At our table he shares good food with others who care, but don’t prod for him for his ‘story’. He is a proud man with a commanding presence. The respect he receives at Joseph’s House permits him to soften his guard.

He has reined in the fierceness that once protected him and also attracted trouble. He is patient and tender with Ajax, our nurse Ann’s energetic little dog. Ajax follows Omar everywhere. Even now his journey is far from easy. Sometimes Omar suffers from nightmares. Ghosts lie in wait for him. He is afraid to die yet he is dying now. Bravely, Omar is preparing to face what he fears most – the judgment of his Maker.

You might wonder how the rest of us – as fellow travelers taking refuge at Joseph’s House - befriend Omar. We befriend him as we do everyone - simply; with gentleness and kind attention.

Omar is a life-long Muslim. His faith orders his values and his times of prayer; it shapes how he expresses himself and gives meaning to what has happened in his life. His loyalty and love for those in his faith who struggled and died before him requires that he not quit, requires him to go on. In his faith Omar finds strength. God, as Omar loves and fears Him, can seem harsh and unforgiving to me. But He is the God of Omar’s understanding. Who knows how God’s exacting standards and the weight of Omar’s regrets might be helping to repair his sense of self, his self-respect? Words and concepts are inadequate. So we act. We pray for inner quietness to really hear Omar, to be attuned to him, to be Love for him.

Touch that Heals

Several days ago, his strength rapidly diminishing but his pride strong as ever, Omar told Cathy, one of our senior nurse’s aides that he wanted to bathe. “Okay”, Cathy said, “I’ll help you”. “No, Cathy. I can’t let you help me”. Omar said this without anger. He was reminding her that he was not willing to accept intimate assistance from a woman not related to him. Cathy was not offended.
“ A Muslim thing?” she asked. “A Muslim thing”, he replied. Cathy phoned two former volunteers, young men who know Omar well, and asked them to come and help him bathe. She didn’t insist that he compromise and accept help from her. Her compassion for Omar moved her to find him help that he could more easily receive.

Such presence of mind and willingness to follow Omar’s lead – such attunement - is actually a kind of touch. It expresses respect. It nurtures trust. Through such touch, deep healing becomes possible. Omar’s journey is hard and he is exhausted. At Joseph’s House Cathy and others try not to get in his way. They don’t push. Rather, they help clear the path for him. They touch him without grasping.

Soul of Community

Some years ago, Dr. David Hilfiker, Joseph’s House founder, said to me, “You know, if we could slow Joseph’s House down – slow down our pace so that no one would ever be too busy to be interrupted, if we made it our practice to give our full attention to the person we’re talking to (even if they’re interrupting us) then we’d have something really special here, something radical, actually.”

In that moment I understood that a community such as ours has its own soul; its own spiritual needs and possibilities and that this soul deserves to be consciously recognized and nurtured. Why? So that at Joseph’s House every man and woman will find what they need to strengthen them on their spiritual path, their own journey of return. This is how we become worthy companions to one another. What do we need to sustain us on our journey? We need to be deeply listened to and we need to deeply listen. We need forgiveness: to ask for it, receive it, and especially, to extend it ….many times, every day. And we need to experience unconditional love, especially, to give it. Nothing flashy, just everyday love with no strings attached; love needing nothing at all in return.

This is the work of a life-time. Joseph’s House too is on a spiritual journey. We haven’t arrived yet, either. There is nevertheless a felt sense of welcome, love and capacity in our House. We are learning to create community structures: ways of meeting, ways to express confusion and anger without violence (even to oneself), ways to remember; ways to slow down and return to that place of deep inner quiet. Our intention, our yearning for all these things helps cultivate the love and forgiveness, deep listening and steadfastness we so desire.

Presence

With commitment and practice, it really is possible to give our full, open-hearted attention to just what, or who, is here in front of us right now. Angie, supervisor, teacher and mentor to our volunteers, practices with deep intention. When Angie is about to enter a resident’s room, she first knocks, then pauses at the threshold and takes a deep breath. She does this to remind herself to bring her whole attention, her whole self to the bedside. When Angie enters the room, she touches everything in it kindly, especially the person in the bed, with her eyes. Then she takes her seat on a small stool at the bedside, placing herself at the same height as the person in the bed, creating a sense of safety and intimacy. Guided by her intuition, Angie allows her touch and words to flow spontaneously. She becomes a healing presence and a compassionate advocate.

With Angie as a teacher, our volunteers absorb values and learn concrete practices. They learn to establish real contact. They experience the quality of communion her presence invites. They become aware of their own anxiety or feelings of helplessness that might stir up restlessness, boredom or even panic. Beside Angie they learn to slow down, soften and open themselves – as they are – to this person and to this moment. Angie models the possibilities of being present. She helps them find humility, then find confidence to open to the spiritual practice of being at the bedside. This is the spiritual practice of being present to Life.

Stories

We don’t press Omar or anyone else for their stories, but the stories come unbidden at Joseph’s House anyway. Lots of them! As human beings we are as hungry for good stories as we are to share good food.

Remembered stories, invented stories, parables, jokes, sacred stories, profane stories: we’ve heard them all! “You’d think”, writes Fischer, in Sailing Home, “that we would tire of them, but our obsession for stories is as old as language”. “Listen up!” someone at the table begins, and we put down our forks and pay attention. It’s through stories – even when the details are far from our own life experience – that we share in the common human drama of which our own life is just one small part. If we listen well, we recognize that no story, not even our own – is exactly real, not in the way we think it is if we take it too earnestly. It’s not the details; it’s the between-the-lines content of a story that speaks to our souls, to our common humanity.

If we listen well, “we recognize that no life story can be without regret, shame, loss and tragedy…To be truly aware of the human story – of our own story for that matter – is to be one step away from tears”. Listening between the lines, listening for the pauses – following the wordless path all the way down to the Heart, (the silent source of all), we come home.

What Matters

Hearth and home, a welcoming table, the spiritual journey of return – all these are powerful images, metaphors that express what matters deeply to us all.

Thank you for helping us to breathe life into these images!

When you hold us in your prayers, you breathe us Life. When you speak and write words of encouragement, you give us Life. With your financial gifts that seem to come not from your excess - but from deep within your heart – you are breathing Life and Love into every interaction at Joseph’s House. Thank you for sharing the journey with us so powerfully.

I’ve been writing this letter over several days. When I began I was inspired by how Omar was living the last days of his life. Omar died last night held in the strong arms of the same young men Cathy had called before, in a room full of others who kept watch with him. Such is the gift of your love to Joseph’s House.

With our deepest thanks,

Patricia Wudel
Executive Director

Physical location: 1730 Lanier Place, NW Washington, DC 20009
House (Referrals) Phone: (202) 265-7174